This morning I kept thinking about some of the emotional and spiritual aspects of dealing with cancer. Between the lack of sleep and severe chemo brain, I'm not sure I can communicate coherently all of the thoughts going through my head, but it goes something like this-
I think that somewhere inside all of us is a need to understand our existence in this world. For those of us who are dealing with cancer or some other life-threatening disease, we are forced to give more thought to particular questions. I tend to spend a little more time on the "whys" and "what ifs" since I was diagnosed. It IS unfortunate that I usually tend to ponder these questions in the middle of the night, but there is nothing I can do about that!
My spiritual faith is a major component in providing me with the hope and strength needed to deal with the crisis of my breast cancer diagnosis, but that doesn't mean I don't have the occasional meltdown, or as they are known here in the South-a good old fashioned hissy fit!
It's OKAY to acknowledge the fear, sadness, and depression that sometimes creeps into our daily life. Dealing with a cancer diagnosis isn't easy. There are always new fears that tend to pop up as we go through treatments.
I don't think that having the occasional "hissy fit," or feeling anything other than happy and content means that I am in any way giving up, or somehow questioning my faith! It also doesn't mean that I am weak.